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Mom, in this country you can kiss?


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The mother in this country you can kiss? That is the question posed to me by my daughter B. every time we vacation in a foreign country. I don't know how this came to mind because I don't remember the last time her mother and I kissed in public, but behind this question lies a psychological process that is very interesting.

Do you know why I want you to know?

If the answer is “yes”, the holiday calls us both mothers. 
If instead, the answer is “no” in contexts where there are more people, call me by name, and the other mom, instead, “mommy”.
The psychological process that is the basis of this behavior is fascinating.
The children of families in which both direct explanation or indirect (for example, television, school) in new contexts are frequently put in processes that are “protective” against their family. 

What are the protective processes?

A child, when it perceives changes in routines, steps into the shoes of the parent and, in a sense, takes chestnuts out of the fire instead of waiting for the parent to say what to do or not do to avoid embarrassment. In short, instead of waiting for the moms to tell her: “look, in this country it could be risky...bla..bla..” and to avoid the embarrassment and maybe the emotional tension, the child of free parents from this impasse.

All of this is right or wrong?

In general, the processes in which the child takes the place of the parents are never functional because it deprives the child of the unique aspects of childhood or the sense of security, trust and the do have a responsibility.

However, there are situations where the sense of security takes over, and the child triggers behaviors like the one I described.

The only thing that can make the parent is “unmask” the child, thanking him for his kindness and attention, but rather by showing that a parent knows how to manage, tolerate and cope with all the emotions.

Francesca Cavallini | Presidente Tice Piacenza

Francesca Cavallini
Psychologist, Founder of the Tice, a Professor at the University of Parma, italy

With Silvia Perini's guidance, she started her Ph.D., which led her to study and work on precision teaching after graduating in psychology. During el doctorate, she had the opportunity to travel to America and know professor Carl Binder, which guided her in studying the principles of ABA in the company's management. Back in Italy, he founded Tice and, since then, has worked on social innovation and applied research combining his most significant interests: university and people.

Por una consulta escrita: Francesca Cavallini